I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
