I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
