I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
