He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
