No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
