you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He did a backflip because drugs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
