I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
