i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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