thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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