Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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