a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
