Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
