So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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