Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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