There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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