I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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