No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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