In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
why is half of my head shaved?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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