Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
