Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
