I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
