my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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