It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
