Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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