thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
