After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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