I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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