Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
