Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
