I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
