I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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