you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
