We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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