I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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