No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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