just come out here and I will go home with you...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
