oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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