Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
