Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
