i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
