I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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