After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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