Your face is a jimmy john
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
