my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize