This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
