Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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