My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
