ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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