I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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