i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
