im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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