Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
