Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
