I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
