i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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