so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
