You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
