but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
