Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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