When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
