I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
