All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
