The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
