I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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